Having looked at my past blogs I suddenly realised how little I have written about men, surprisingly, since almost half of my client base are men.
So, is it the case that men have fewer sexual issues to deal with than women? In my experience this is far from the truth. Society and the Media would have us believe differently, but having spoken to many male clients over a wide age spectrum during the last 15 years, my experience is that men struggle with sex and sexual issues on daily basis just as much – if not more – than women.
Of course, one of the main issues is “the male member”. I am impressed at how many men have given names to their penises; an interesting bonding process which is something women generally do not do. Perhaps personalising one´s penis explains why men worry more about their genital proportions ... the main questions being: is it big enough, how long is long enough, how can I accurately measure my penis ? In recent years the male preoccupation has shifted from the length to the girth of the penis and the shape and size of the testicles, which is something women find hard to understand.
Very often men tell me that they feel a huge pressure to perform sexually, to know exactly what they need to do, and “which buttons to push”. I couldn’t agree more, as I feel that there is more pressure put on men for purely physical reasons. To put it simply: Men have to be aroused in order to “perform”, especially during penetrative sex. For women it is desirable, but not crucial, to be aroused in order to have sex.
And despite the popular belief that “all men want and think about, all the time, is sex”, men are not robots and cannot acheive and maintain erections on demand. They are all individuals, just like women, and have personal likes and turn-ons. And of course dislikes and turn-offs !
Also men are not born with sexual intuition and there is no instruction book to answer all the questions about what their sexual partners want or like. Given this, my male clients cannot help but feel pressurised to fulfil their partner’s fantasies. Women often do expect sexual fireworks, courtesy of their partner, without communicating what they need or desire.
With this in mind my advice to men, and women, is often to revert back to good old fashioned communication and being able to express your sexual desires as well as being able to ask what your partner likes and dislikes in the bedroom.
So, please ... do ask, and do tell !!
