So, let’s talk about sex ...

I talk about sex a lot; as a sex /psychosexual therapist it is my job to ask questions.  I ask my male and female clients and couples alike to tell me very intimate details about their lives.  I ask about their childhoods, their parents, their siblings, their relationships and, of course, I ask them about sex.

But I do need to constantly keep myself in check and always try to put myself in “my client’s shoes” wondering what must be like to be asked the most intimate questions and share sexual thoughts, feelings and practices with a stranger (well, almost a stranger).

And I never take it for granted; my clients have given me so much knowledge and insight into the female and male perspective on sex and sexuality.  I have learned and continue to learn so much.  I am especially grateful for the insight from my male clients - insight that I, as a woman, never had before and that most women will never have.  So, I feel privileged that men have opened up and told me about how they feel about their penises, about how they learned to masturbate, how they often compared their penises to other boys growing up ... how they fear they are not big enough, small enough or good enough when it comes to sex.

Yes, it is true ... both women and men have insecurities, secrets and anxieties about themselves as sexual beings and with sex as a whole.  So, why are we so confused when it comes to sex?  It has been said that sex is our oldest obsession.  We do obsess about it, read about it, are intrigued and also scared by it.  Some women tell me that they occasionally speak about sex with their girlfriends ... yet interestingly enough, men also tell me that sex is not discussed in any depth with their male friends.

Is that where the problem might be?

Might it be that we are just uncomfortable about sharing sexual things with people around us; who don’t (or won’t) ask, so we don’t (or won’t) tell?  So, what I propose is that we do exactly that; we ask questions about it and we do share when we feel it is right.  This should especially be the case with men and women. If we ask, and share, we will learn so much more about ourselves and about the opposite sex.  I know I will continue to ask questions about sex, and continue to be fascinated by what I learn.

So ...What do you do for living ?

In social or work related situations, what is the most common question people ask you ?

Generally, the question “what do you do for living” would often be asked when meeting people for the first time ...

It often reminds me of an occasion when I attended a friend’s birthday party few years ago. As I was being introduced to some of the people, the inevitable question of one’s occupation/job came up, but before I even had a chance to answer the question my friend responded ‘Monika is a sex therapist’.

Some people around me made a sharp exit, or began giggling, and a few inquisitive ones started to ask questions.  I remember standing there not sure how I felt being introduced as a sex therapist.  What my friend called me was not entirely inaccurate, but the fact that it was said by somebody else and the expression on people’s faces was something that left me wondering.

We have all met people of different professions and more traditional trades such as carpenters, teachers, nurses, social workers - even funeral directors and professional gamblers.

What we do, for most of us, is just a part of our identity and not who we are as a whole person. We are friends, husbands, wives, children, parents – and lovers - among other things. But inevitably the question of what we do for living will come up more often than any other topic.

Part of who I am and what I do is a psychotherapist, sex therapist, counsellor and couple therapist. To this day the mention of “sex therapist” still brings different (and still sometimes unexpected) reactions from people.

So, I am still left wondering - what is it about the word sex that makes people react in such a way ?

Welcome

I am a psychosexual and couple therapist working in the field of sexual health for the past 12 years. I am passonate about sexual issues and sexuality and feel everybody deserves a good sexual life. My work involves helping people reach their potential and deal with their sexual difficulties.

I hope my blog will help you on your way....